


Steven Sees a Psychologist

by DiamondsAreNotaGemsBestFriend (chickenjordanbleu)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Depression, Fusion, Gen, Original Character - Freeform, Pink Diamond, Psychology, Therapy, Trauma, mindfulness, rose quartz - Freeform, the new Crystal Gems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 11:25:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10555512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickenjordanbleu/pseuds/DiamondsAreNotaGemsBestFriend
Summary: After the abduction by Blue Diamond, Steven seeks professional help with his demons to stay focused and keep Stevonnie from falling apart.





	

Steven Sees a Psychologist

 

_This story takes place directly after “The New Crystal Gems”_

 

Steven tossed and turned early one morning, and awoke with a start, drenched in cold sweat. His bedside clock read 4:30 am. He’d had dreams—no, nightmares—all night. First he saw the Rubies drifting in the solar system, who morphed into Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst tumbling past asteroids and voicelessly calling for help in the vacuum of space. He saw his father growing old in the Human Zoo, too frail for Steven to take home with him. Finally, he saw his mother. She was the size of Alexandrite, towering over the temple with lightning crashing around her face. He watched her plunge her sword into Pink Diamond, who shattered into a million pieces.

            He’d been having these nightmares for days since he had returned from his encounter with the Diamonds. He was tired and achy during the day, since he could not sleep restfully at night.

            At 7:30 he awoke and went to the Sky Arena to train with Connie. She seemed calm and healthy. Her hair was twisted neatly into a braid and she looked fresh and ready for the day. She sat on the ground and stretched, but then looked at Steven and frowned.

            “You don’t look so good, Steven.”

            “It’s okay, Connie. I just can’t sleep, is all.”

            “Are you okay? Is it about almost losing your dad?”

            “No, everything’s fine. It’ll pass. Let’s get started.”

            He took a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and exhaled. He faced Connie and did a little spin, and they melded into Stevonnie. He usually found the brain space they shared comforting, but today he didn’t want Connie to see how shaken up he was. He didn’t want her to worry.

            The expanse of their mind pulsed an angry blood orange, and they instantly fell apart onto the ground with a thud. Pearl approached from across the arena and sped up to a jog when she saw them unfuse.

            “Steven, are you alright? What happened to Stevonnie?”

            Connie’s face fell and she narrowed her eyes. Steven was lying to her.

            “Steven! You have to tell me when you’re not well! We can’t fight together if we’re not both focused!”

            “I’m sorry!” cried Steven. “I just want to figure this out on my own. We’ve been through this before with Garnet, but I can’t get the bad thoughts to go away this time.”

            “I have an idea,” said Connie. She walked over to her backpack and fished out a piece of paper. “My mom made me see a psychologist for anxiety, and I feel a lot better. She thinks she might help you too.”

            “What’s a psychologist?” said Steven and Pearl at the same time.

            “A psychologist is someone you talk to about your problems who helps you change the way you think about things,” Connie said. “They’re a kind of doctor.”

            Pearl was confused. “But Steven can talk to me about his problems. Or Garnet. Or Amethyst. Right Steven?”

            “Yeah, sure,” Steven said, hurriedly. Truthfully, Pearl was so possessive of his mother that sometimes he didn’t want to share his feelings about Rose around her.

            “Well, a psychologist is a professional. They can help you come up with ways to deal with stress! Mine taught me more mindfulness exercises like the one Garnet showed us.”

            “Then why not talk to Garnet? I just don’t think you should be talking about gem things with a human doctor.” Pearl crossed her arms.

            “But I’m part human!” said Steven. “I think it’s a good idea. I’ll see what my dad says.”

            Pearl rolled her eyes. “Well, I think for once Greg will be on my side, but ask if you want.”

            Connie gave the slip of paper to Steven. “My mom suggested her. Her name is Dr. Nguyen.”

            Pearl summoned a Holo-Pearl and Connie picked up her sword. “I’ll train with Pearl for a little while. Go talk to your dad and we’ll see you later.”

 

 

Greg was sitting in a lawn chair at the car wash, waiting for customers. He perked up when he saw Steven walk up the driveway.

            “Hey kiddo! For what do I owe the pleasure?”

            “Hey dad!” He gave Greg a quick hug. “Connie and her mom told me about this doctor.”

            “A doctor?” Greg looked concerned. “Did you hurt something?”

            “No! I’m fine. This is sort of a brain doctor.”

            “A brain doctor? Did you fall and hit your head?”

            “No, that’s not it either. It’s someone you talk to about your problems.”

            “Oh! You mean a therapist! Why does Dr. Maheswaran want you to see a therapist? You’re just a kid!”

            “The paper Connie gave me says she’s a child psychologist. She said she might help me feel better. I haven’t been able to sleep and I keep having nightmares.”

            “I don’t know, kiddo. Sometimes they want you to take medicine for that, and you’re awfully young. You don’t need anti-depressants or anything, and I don’t want her to push that on you.”

            “Maybe you can go with me,” Steven said. “Please? Connie gave me her number.”

            “Well, okay. We can give it a try for one session. You also reminded me that I should get health insurance now that I have some money.”

            “What’s health insurance?”   

            “Don’t worry about it. Give me that number and we can set up an appointment.”

            Greg pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number. “Hello? I’d like to make an appointment for my son with Dr. Nguyen. When do you have available? Next week? Perfect. Steven. Universe. U-N-I-V-E-R-S-E. Yes, that’s a real name. Uh-huh. Thank you.”

 

 

            Steven and Greg entered a waiting room painted in calming greens and blues. Toys and coloring books littered a table in the corner.

            “A Crying Breakfast Friends coloring book!” said Steven. He sat down and started coloring.

            A short woman with cropped black hair and a friendly face poked her head out of a door across the room. “Steven? I can see you now.”

            “Can I bring this with me?” He pointed to the coloring book.

            “Sure thing, Steven.”

            He entered an office with couches and lots of soft pillows, and sat down.

            “Are you Dr. Nguyen?”

            “Yes, I am. You can call me Julie if you want. Would you like some thinking putty?” She held out a small container of purple modeling clay.

            “What’s that?”

            “It’s something to keep your hands busy if you’re nervous or fidgety so you can think better.”

            “Yay! That looks fun!” Steven scooped out some of the putty and flattened into a pancake.

            Julie sat in a chair across from Steven and smiled warmly at him. “It’s nice to meet you, Steven. I need to ask you a few questions, is that okay?”

            “Okay! It’s nice to meet you too. I really like your office.” He was molding the putty into a little animal now.

            “Your dad said you were referred from Dr. Maheswaran?”

            “She’s my best friend’s mom.”

            “Ah, so she’s not your doctor.”

            “No, I’ve never even been to a doctor.”

            Julie’s face registered surprise. She took a note, and told herself to bring that up to Greg at the end of the appointment.

            “How old are you, Steven.”

            “Well, the Gems say I don’t really have an age, but I should be fourteen.”

            Again, this struck Julie as odd, but she’d heard stranger things from the patients of Beach City.

            “And you live with your dad?”

            “No, I live with the Gems.”

            “Who are the Gems, Steven?”

            “Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst. They’re sort of like my guardians. They were my mom’s friends.”

            “Is your mom alive, Steven?”

            “No, she’s gone.” Steven stared into his hands. Julie jotted that down on her clipboard intently.

            “So Steven, what’s going on for you? What would you like to talk about?”

            “I don’t know.” Steven paused. “I don’t really know how this works.”

            “Could you tell me about your mom?”

            The room fell silent. Steven’s eyes welled up with tears.

            “Yes.” He sniffled. Tears started to stain his cheek.

            “My mom died when I was a baby and I never knew her but everyone tells me she was the most kind and loving person ever but now I found out that she did a lot of bad things and the Crystal Gems never told me and I’m really mad at them but I can’t talk to them about it because I feel like they blame me for my mom being gone and they wanted her more than they want me.” Steven was openly crying. “And everyone thinks I’m just like her and that I’m kind and happy all the time but I feel so angry and alone now. And I’ve always wanted to know my mom but now she might be a bad person.”

            Dr. Nguyen handed Steven a box of tissues and he wiped his eyes. She paused, letting Steven collect himself a little, while expressing as much empathy as she could with her face.

            “Wow, Steven,” she said. “Thank you for sharing that with me. It’s really painful to lose a family member, even if you didn’t know them. And it is so valid that you would feel angry that your guardians kept secrets about your mom from you.”

            “I have a question for you, Steven. Does doing a bad thing make you a bad person?”

            “I guess not. If you don’t do bad things all the time.”

            “Could your mom have done those bad things and still be a good person?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Maybe she made a mistake. Or maybe she had a really good reason to do what she did. Something I tell my patients is that two seemingly different things can be true at the same time. Your mom could have been kind and loving, and she did some bad things. Can you believe that?

            “Yeah, yeah you’re right. My mom did love me and she was kind.”

            “What did your dad tell you about your mom?”

            “He writes songs about her. She liked his music a lot. He tells me that she was really curious and loved humans and wanted to protect them. She was fascinated that humans grow and change so much.”

            “Those sound like good things, right?”

            “Right. But I can’t talk to my dad about what happened before they met. And all the Gem stuff scares him a little and he freaks out when I’m learning how to swordfight or doing something dangerous.”

            “Parents tend to do that.”

            “So I can’t talk to my dad or the Gems about my mom shattering Pink Diamond or locking up Bismuth. I can’t talk about it with anyone.”

            Julie didn’t know who Pink Diamond or Bismuth was and she decided to delve into that later. She’d focus on Steven’s feelings first.

            “What would it take to talk about it with the Crystal Gems?”

            “They would have to trust me and believe that I can handle it. There were also some things my mom didn’t want me to know, but she’s not here now, and I need to know about the war to fight the Diamonds and protect Earth!”

            Julie rewound in her head. Three gem people named Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst. The mom was a gem, too. She shattered (killed?) someone named Pink Diamond. A fourteen-year-old was learning how to fight with swords and there was something about a war? These were not the kid problems she usually dealt with.

            “Let’s talk about how to communicate your anger with the Gems. Have you been mad at them before?”

            “Yes, definitely. I had a dream about a palanquin—it’s a Gem thing—that I found in a journal and I asked the Gems about it and they wouldn’t tell me anything. I kind of yelled at them and went off and looked for it without them and that led to my dad getting kidnapped by Blue Diamond.”

            “That sounds like it could’ve been handled differently.”

            “Yeah.”

            “You said you yelled at them. What did you say?”

            “I said I was really upset and I was sick of everyone lying to me and that I deserve to know the truth.”

            “You were really upset.”

            “Yeah. I maybe shouldn’t have yelled, though.”

            “It was good that you said you were upset. Sometimes when we get in fights we tend to blame the other person and say ‘you did this’ when it’s better to say ‘this is how I feel.’”

            Julie put down her clipboard and leaned forward, waiting for the lull in the conversation to pass.

            “Steven, is there something else you’d like to talk about?”

            Steven thought for a moment.

            “Oh yeah! When my friend Connie and I—you know her—practice fighting, we fuse and sometimes we fall apart because I start having scary thoughts about my mom and I panic. Garnet told me that I can’t run away from my thoughts and I have to see them clearly, but it doesn’t always work.”

            Julie perked up at the mention of Garnet.

            “It sounds like one of your moms taught you mindfulness. How do you see your thoughts, Steven?”

            “Sometimes I imagine that they’re butterflies and I try to watch them just fly by.”

            “That’s great Steven! Would you like to try some other tricks?”

            “Yes.”

            “Okay. I want you to look around the room and tell me five things you can see.”

            Steven looked. He started with Julie’s desk, and saw a picture of her and a young girl, probably her daughter. He looked at the table in front of him and saw his coloring book. He looked down and saw the modeling clay in his hands. He looked out of the window and saw a shady oak tree. Finally, he looked at Julie and told her his observations.

            “Now tell me four things you can hear.”

            “Well, I can hear you talking. And I can hear me talking.”

            “What else?”

            He listened. He noticed the hum of the air conditioning in the room and the engine of a car driving by the office.

            “Next you think of three things you can touch, then two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Then, your mind should be clearer.”

            “I do feel clearer. Thank you, Julie.”

            “Steven, I need to ask you a few things before we go. Are you having trouble sleeping?”

            “Yeah, I keep having bad dreams and waking up during the night.”

            “Do you have a good appetite?”

            “Yeah, I had a big pancake breakfast yesterday.”

            “Have you stopped enjoying things you used to like?”

            “Not really.”

            “Are you spending time with friends?”

            “I guess. A lot of my friends are in school all the time so I feel lonely and I just have Onion to play with.”

            “Do you feel sad or hopeless most of the time?”

            “I feel sad a lot of the time.”

            “Do you ever feel like hurting yourself or someone else?”

            Steven looked startled. “No! Why would I do that?” He paused. “Well, I’ve had to hurt someone, but I didn’t want to. I abandoned some Rubies out in space, but I guess that’s not really hurting them because they don’t have to breathe.”

            Julie scribbled for a few seconds. Steven had a suspicion.

            “Do you want me to take medicine? My dad said you might.”

            “No, Steven, not at all. We usually don’t recommend kids your age take medication, unless it’s absolutely necessary, and it doesn’t sound like you need it.

“One more thing, Steven. Is it okay if I ask your dad a few questions about what we talked about today? I have to ask your permission first.” She wanted to clear some things up in case she needed to call social services.

“Yeah, that’s okay.”

“Okay, Steven. I’ll see you next week at the same time?”

            “Yeah! Thank you Julie! I feel a lot better now! Can I keep this coloring book?”

            “Sure, Steven. Take care.”

 

 

            Steven opened the door to the Gem temple and ducked as Ruby threw a chair into the wall next to him. Garnet had unfused into Ruby and Sapphire.

            “It’s your fault we didn’t tell Steven about the palanquin! You and your future vision. You always think you know everything! Now he doesn’t even trust us anymore! He won’t talk to us! Did you see _this_ coming, huh?”

            “Calm. DOWN. Are you ever going to accomplish anything by throwing chairs?”

            Steven thought about what Julie had said. He separated Ruby and Sapphire.

            “Wait! Stop! You guys are just blaming each other! The therapist said you have to saying what _‘_ I’ am feeling when you have an argument. Ruby, why are you so upset?”

            “Well, Stephen, ‘I’ feel… mad that Sapphire thought we shouldn’t tell you about Blue Diamond. And I feel like I don’t get to help make decisions. And I feel…I feel guilty that you want to talk to a doctor and not to us.”

            “I feel guilty too,” Sapphire said. “I feel guilty that I made that decision. That’s why I was so defensive, Ruby.”

            Ruby and Sapphire walked toward each other and hugged, and with a flash of light fused back into Garnet.

            Garnet smiled her cool, enigmatic smile down at Steven. “It sounds like the psychologist really did help you. Maybe you should keep going back. Humans do know what they’re talking about.”

            She scooped Steven up in her arms. “But I do want you to talk to us. I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you about Blue Diamond. I promise, no more secrets. And I promise I will listen as hard as I can when you need something and not make assumptions and judgments. And I’ll try to put my feelings out of the way. Promise you’ll talk to me?”

            “Promise.”


End file.
